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John Ayers
John Ayers

Consent Is Sexy [NEW]


While the people who promote this message are most likely unaware of the negative effects of this phrasing, it creates a flawed and vaguely inappropriate approach to the topic. A more accurate, broader, message to teach is that consent is ensuring that your partner feels safe and content with you, feelings that should be valued over whether or not an activity is sexy. Or, directly state; consent is mandatory. No-one deserves any form of praise or reward for A more accurate, broader, message to teach is that consent is ensuring that your partner feels safe and comfortable with you, feelings that should be valued over whether or not an activity is sexy.




Consent Is Sexy



/uploadedImages/Campus_LIfe/Career_Services(1)/Career_Services_Inside_Pages/consent.jpg false false Consent is really about communication. It starts with getting to know each other. Finding out what you like and dislike. Learning what you have in common, and what is different. Discovering each other's ho


What we talk about when we talk about consent: The above post is currently going big on Tumblr, racking up more than 115,000 notes in the last several weeks. Its success is a promising sign that despite what many conservative pundits claim, getting affirmative consent from your partner doesn't "kill the mood" or awkwardly interrupt the flow of a hot sexual encounter. In fact, "confirming consent" and "setting the mood" are actually often the same thing.


In the spirit of the Tumblr post, we used a Google form to find out how real people are injecting sexiness and creativity into obtaining consent. The results prove that when it comes to making sure both partners are on the same page, there are myriad steamy ways to communicate the message.


"'Wanna go down on me?' is not nearly as hot as saying specifically where you want to be licked/kissed/touched," she wrote. "The more specific the better, both in terms of obtaining consent and having a really hot sex life."


One 27-year-old man said that pausing at various sexy checkpoints is his preferred method for obtaining consent. "I'll often ask, 'Is this OK?' when I start touching/exposing her breasts, touching her over/under her underwear and before oral sex and sex-sex," he said. "Women seem to really, really like this system."


Others took a more humorous approach, with one respondent saying he asks for consent by taking a page from Pirates of the Caribbean: "Ahoy matey, Permission to cum aboard?" Another simply offered: "Ay yo gurl. Wanna fuk?"


How consent can get complicated: While one would assume that actively asking for consent would be crucial to any sexual encounter, unfortunately it doesn't always work out that way. Even sex-positive experts often get it wrong, as octogenarian sexpert Dr. Ruth recently did on a radio show, telling women they don't have the right to change their minds once they end up in bed with someone. Such misinformation is particularly dangerous when you consider the ongoing issue of sexual assault on college campuses.


Yes, yes, yes: But as the above Tumblr post and campaigns like Consent Is Sexy have proved, obtaining consent doesn't have to be awkward or complicated, nor does it have to interrupt a passionate sexual encounter. Often, it can be as simple as talking dirty.


If nothing else, the campaign to make consent sexy proves that sometimes, the answer to "Do you like this?" or "Do you want that?" can be even sexier than the question. After all, if the Herbal Essences commercials of the '90s taught us anything, it's that there are endless ways to make the word "yes" sound hot.


But what if one partner is significantly older than the other, or if one partner makes significantly more money than the other? Here are a few things to think about when answering that question. If one person is a lot older than his/her partner, there may be laws dictating whether a sexual relationship is legal. In Iowa, for example, someone 14 or 15 can legally consent to sex, but not with someone 4 or more years older than them. In an adult relationship, when someone is much older than his/her partner or makes significantly more money, it is important to look at whether decisions in the relationship are made together or if one person uses his/her age, money, or gender overrule the other and make decisions. Taking a close look at this and other ways power can be used to control relationships is important in determining if there is equality.


Do both partners fully understand the consequences? This can be a tricky part of navigating consent. Both partners need to fully comprehend the potential consequences of what they are agreeing to do. This includes but is not limited to both positive and negative consequences such as sexual transmitted infections, pregnancy, rumors, feelings about themselves or their partner after the experience, etc. Each state has laws about when someone is old enough to understand these consequences and is therefore able to legally give consent. Find out the age of consent for your state by visiting Sex, Etc.


Objective: "Consent is Sexy" (CIS) is a poster campaign incorporating sex-positive messages to promote consent and increase sexual communication among college students. We assess reactions to the campaign and associations between campaign recall and communication attitudes and behaviors. Participants: Male and female undergraduates at a Midwestern university were recruited (N = 284). Methods: A cross-sectional survey was conducted. t-Tests, logistic and multiple linear regressions were used to analyze the data. Results: Over half (56%) of participants recalled the campaign and reactions were positive. Students who recalled CIS had more positive attitudes towards sexual communication (p = .04) and greater perceived behavioral control (PBC; p Conclusions: Results show many students paid attention and reacted positively to CIS posters and results offer dissemination insights. Consent campaigns should continue to cultivate positive attitudes and PBC in regards to sexual communication.


Savannah Rape Crisis Center (RCC) was also present at the rally. Each attending organization was there to support a message of consent within sexual relationships on campus and to deliver a broader message promoting mental wellbeing.


There are three main ways of analyzing consent when referring to sexual acts. The three main questions to ask if is there is affirmative consent, was it freely given consent, and was there capacity to consent.


Capacity to consent: This is probably the most confusing part of consent. Capacity to consent means the person had the capacity to agree. The question is did the individual have the capacity, or legal ability, to consent?


There is a lack of consent if a person engages in a sexual act with another person by forcible compulsion or with a person who is incapable of consent because he or she is physically helpless, mentally defective or mentally incapacitated. Arkansas Code 5-14-103; 5-14-125.


It is possible that sex can be consensual when two people have been drinking. There are people who drink, and even get drunk, and still consent to sex. But the issue is that after someone has consumed alcohol, it is much harder to convey consent to the other person, and it hard to determine if the other party has consented. Alcohol can inhibit clear communication, and also increase aggressiveness, both problems that can lead to sexual assault. The best option is to continue to check in with the other party, and keep making sure that they want the sexual acts to continue.


What if your partner said they did not want to have sex while they were sober, but changed their mind after drinking? Although there is no clear law, it is still best to tread carefully, and when in doubt, wait until the other person is fully sober, and then check in again. A few good things to consider are how much alcohol has this person had since you last asked them if they wanted to engage in sexual activity? Has this person indicated that they would want to have sex when they were sober? Even if they did say yes while sober, it is still good to keep asking. Also, another good question to consider is if you have been intoxicated with this person before. If you have, are they usually able to make lucid decisions? It does not necessarily mean they are sober enough to consent, but might give some more context to how intoxicated they are at the moment. On the other hand, if you have never drank with this person before, it is a good idea to be cautious, and continue to ask, and wait until you get a clear, affirmative consent.


In conclusion, if one person, or both parties are drinking it is a good idea to ask before, during, after, and continue checking in during any sexual activity. Check in during any change of activity, check in if you stop and start again, just keep asking. If there is any confusion, do not take the mixed signals as consent. If you have not been sexually active with this person before, or have not been intoxicated with this person before, a good rule of thumb is to NOT mix the two for the first time. Be comfortable with what they are like when they are intoxicated, or be familiar with what they are okay with first, before trying to mix alcohol and sex.


In other words, while the curriculum itself is informational and beneficial to students, the slogan portrays consent as an added bonus to sexual interactions rather than a requisite of sex. We need an alternative slogan to galvanize conversation while imparting that consent is a non-negotiable part of sex.


Furthermore, while consent is always necessary, it is not always sexy. In fact, consent is oftentimes a conversation entirely separate from the act of sex. This representation could alienate some students and may even make them feel that they cannot communicate consent outside the bedroom. The last thing a slogan such as this should be doing is pushing students further away from a dialogue about consent.


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